Don't Stop Believing
by DemonLover16
Summary: Set during the Mall Episode. Marissa finally realizes what she wants, and for once, goes for it. One-shot. Rated T for slight swearing.


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* * *

She was sitting there contemplating the day's events. Alex had seemed a little more distant and bothered than normal, and she knew she was the cause of that, and now that she was looking back she realized how much she hated the fact that she'd caused the blonde those emotions. As she was sitting there, she really didn't like the way things had gone down and for the first time in her life, she wanted to fix a problem she'd caused. She didn't want to lose Alex, sure she'd told Summer she missed Ryan every day, but the more she thought about it, she never felt with him what she felt when she was with Alex... She needed to make things right.

* * *

She had just got back from Julie's, she didn't like the feeling she was getting, she felt she was being lied to and she was having a hard time dealing with it. She had never been the jealous type but she had to admit that Marissa made her feel emotions she had never felt before... she slumped down on the couch with the take out and turned on the TV.

* * *

She was now laying there, with Ryan next to her, in the tent. She couldn't bare it though, they'd been talking about Seth and Summer when all of a sudden she surprised him when she jumped up; "I... I have to go... I can't do this... I need to make a phone call." And with that she exited the tent.

"Marissa wait!" He called after her, but she looked back silencing him with a single look.

She reached the sports section she sat down on one of the shoe benches.

Ring.

Ring.

Ring.

Ring.

"_Hey we're not home right now, so, leave a message." _She unconsciously smiled to herself when she heard the new message "_we're not home"_ she couldn't help but smile at the thought.

"Hey Alex, it's me, look, I need to talk to you...I hope you can give me a call soon...I miss you."

She hung up but decided to stay there for a few, hoping that Alex just hadn't made it to the phone in time.

* * *

Alex had fallen asleep on the couch hoping Marissa would turn up; she was in the middle of a dream in which she was going to lose Marissa to Ryan...in hockey masks. She was entirely confused at the scene developing in her mind when she heard a voice... her voice... she'd never heard her own voice before in her dreams...not like that anyway...then she heard a loud beep and Marissa's voice. "_Shit!" _she thought to herself as she jumped awake, "_she called, and I missed it, urgh!"_ She quickly reached for the phone hoping Marissa would answer her if she called straight away.

* * *

She was sitting there, slightly worried about not having been able to reach her. "GOD! Could I have _fucked up anymore?!. Of course I could mess this up, I always manage to screw everything..."_ her thoughts were interrupted when she heard her phone ring, she didn't even let the first ring finish.

"Hello!" She answered over enthusiastically.

"Hey... you called?" Alex replied sleep still audible in her voice.

"YES! OH MY GOD! ALEX!" She heard the other girl yawn, "shit.. I woke you up?"

"No, no, well.. yea, but that doesn't matter. I'm glad you called, is everything okay?" Marissa couldn't help but smile at the evident worry in her girlfriend's voice. "Is something wrong at Summer's?" Marissa's smile disappeared, she remembered she had lied to Alex...and if she wanted to fix things, she had to come clean...she just hoped that things would turn out okay.

"Yes.. well.. no, everything's okay, but not at the same time..."

Alex was confused, Marissa sounded different, and she started getting worried and sat up straighter. "What's wrong?"

Marissa took a deep breath; "Alex, before I explain what's wrong, I want you to tell me we can meet in the morning...I have something important to tell you..."

Alex gulped, she was fearing what Marissa had to say, but at the same time, she did want to give the girl a chance, "ok, we'll meet in the morning, now tell me what's going on. You're kind of freaking me out."

"Alex I am SO sorry, I really am, I've been a jerk to you all day today and I wanted to apologize. And I'm REALLY, really, really sorry I lied to you..."

"What do you mean... you lied to me?" Alex was getting a little angry she'd already been lied to about Marissa going to see her mum.

"Earlier, when I said I was planning on going to my mum's but never made it because I ran into Summer...well that wasn't the truth..."

"Marissa...where are you?" The anger was growing.

"Let me explain alright? Summer came over earlier and she was heading to the mall, for the clothing drive, and I ended up going with her. Seth and Ryan were there too. WAIT! Please, just let me finish."She heard the other girl sighing, knowing she had been about to interrupt. "Ok, so we were at the mall in the back stores getting clothes and when we were about to head out, the door was locked, so through a long series of events, we finally got out; but we were stuck in the department store...I know, it sounds hard to believe...but yea..." She took a breath, "so anyways, we all messed around being kids playing hockey and stuff, and then, then came the time where we needed to figure out where everyone was going to crash...So Summer and Seth won the bed, Ryan and I...we got the tent."

She didn't wait to hear Marissa's prevention, "YOU WHAT?!"

"ALEX! Wait, we got stuck with the tent, and I want to tell you nothing happened, we just sat there and we talked and then he wanted to stay out but I told him that the tent was big enough, and I KNOW I shouldn't have, and more importantly I KNOW I shouldn't have lied to you about where I was...but then we were lying there, on separate sleeping bags, and like we were talking about Seth and Summer, and then I realized just how big of a mistake I was making, and I ran out and called, and here we are."

"Marissa..." Marissa could hear Alex was getting frustrated with everything.

"No wait, I KNOW I've messed things up a lot in my life, but I realized that this is not something I want to mess up, and I want to talk to you, I REALLY do, but I want to see you in person to talk to you. Please, just wait until tomorrow morning?"

"Marissa..." Alex's voice was sad, "why can't you just tell me now?" She asked.

"Because...it's REALLY important and I need to do this in person. You deserve to hear this out in person."

Alex sighed, she really wasn't liking what she'd just heard, and she didn't like the thought of her girlfriend getting cozy with Ryan. She didn't like the fact that she had lied to her, but she had to admit Marissa's tone had seemed sincere when she came clean, and at least she had come clean...eventually. "Ok. Fine, come by in the morning and we can talk."

Marissa let out the breath she'd been holding. "Thank you so much Alex, you have no idea how much this means to me..."

"I know, ok look, get here as fast as you can okay? I miss you and I want to say I'm not worried, but truth is, I am, but, I have to trust you so, go back and sleep, thanks for telling me the truth. I'm not comfortable with it, but whatever I guess. I'll see you tomorrow."

Marissa cringed a little at the turn Alex's tone had taken, but at least she was being given a chance, "Thank you, I'll call you when I'm almost there."

"Bye."

"By..." she started but was cut off when she heard Alex had already hung up.

Marissa went back to the tent, Ryan was sitting out waiting for her to get back; "hey." He said.

"Hi."

She was a little lost in her own world and Ryan could tell. He was about to ask her if she was okay when she simply added; "I can't do this, I'm going for a walk."

He was surprised, "woah woah, wait up what?" He caught up with her and put a hand on her shoulder.

She shrugged him off. "No! Ryan don't, look, I'm tired of this and it has to stop. You and I are over, I'm sorry if I may have said or done anything that could have led you on, but I am with Alex and honestly I don't know what I was trying to do by acting the way I did. I was confused, and I think I was, but tonight...tonight cleared it right up. Ryan I'm glad we shared our past, but it's not what I want anymore. You, are not what I'm looking for anymore. I appreciate everything you've done for me, I really do, but all I can offer you now is friendship."

Ryan looked at her, in the two years he'd known her, he had never seen so much in her eyes. He'd seen her blow a couple times, but they had never been directed at him, or herself even. This time, this was different, sure she was telling him but at the same time, he could see she was merely voicing what she had been thinking about for so long. He could see the rawness of what she felt lingering in her eyes. It was in that moment that he realized, as much as he may want more, if he loved her the way he thought he did, he just had to let her go. She'd just told him what she wanted, and what she wanted, wasn't him. "Okay."

Marissa looked up, "what?" She had been expecting a fight from him, like always.

"I'm saying okay. Look Marissa, don't get me wrong I still love you and all, but I can clearly see in your eyes, I am not what you want. I am not what you need. I'd be a fool to fight for a love that would never be returned. Go, she's the one you want, the one who holds your heart," he saw her as she unconsciously clutched the heart around her neck. He smiled at the action, "even when she's not around, your love for her is stronger than ours ever was."

She was about to reply when an alarm went off. They looked behind at the footsteps they could hear coming their way and saw Summer and Seth run up to them; "QUICK! WE GOT TO GO!" Seth yelled. The four of them bolted down the stairs and out the now open gate. They ran to the car in the parking garage and all jumped in. Seth gunned it and they drove off.

"So! Where to?!" Seth asked, still high from the adrenaline.

"The diner?" Summer answered.

"Why YES Summer, that sounds terrific!" He replied, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. "Guys?" He looked in the back mirror and saw Ryan nod. Marissa on the other hand hadn't reacted. "Marissa?"

"Actually, think you can drop me off at home please?"

"But..." Seth looked over at his best friend, his face was emotionless, "_what a surprise for Ryan Atwood"_ he thought to himself. "Why not food first?" He started to whine then saw Summer shoot her a glare.

"Seth, just come on, she's got someone to see, take her home man." Ryan interjected, he knew his friend meant well, but he also didn't want to have to explain or let Marissa try and explain her decision.

Seth sighed and agreed, he turned the car in the direction of Alex's apartment.

When they finally got there they all said their goodbyes. Ryan leaned towards her and whispered; "good luck."

She smiled her thanks and opened the door.

"Do I at LEAST get a snapshot since I detoured JUST for you my second favourite lesbian, the first of course being the one you're about to go make out with?" Seth asked. "OW!"

"SHUT IT COHEN!" Summer said after whacking him in the chest.

Marissa laughed and Ryan tried to hide it. "Thanks guys, I'll talk to you later." She closed the door and walked towards the apartment.

She unlocked the door and quietly got in; she saw Alex lying on the couch asleep and immediately felt guilty for being the cause of the worry she saw etched in the sleeping girl's face. She walked over to her and sat close, but not so close as to wake her up. She stared at her girlfriend for a few moments taking in one last time, everything she loved about her. This was it, she knew she had to do this now, for if she waited just a little bit longer, things might end up horribly wrong and she couldn't let that happen. She had never wanted anything more than this.

She slowly reached out and caressed the side of Alex's face, she tried not to wake her up. She leaned her head towards the girl and ever so slightly kissed her lips.

* * *

Alex was in the middle of another dream, all she could see was Marissa running towards her with a strange expression on her face, and all she wanted was to reach the brunette as fast as she could and hold her, she didn't want to worry anymore, she was tired of worrying, she wanted to tell the girl how she felt and how she would never let her go. At that moment, she finally reached the dream Marissa and she held her close by the hips, Marissa smiled and stroked her face, and then she leaned closer to her and they momentarily kissed. Alex felt the tingling sensation leave her and realized Marissa wasn't there anymore. "_Something was different though..._" She felt weight shift close to her and her eyes shot open. The real Marissa was sitting there smiling down at her.

She bolted upwards, surprising the other girl, she wrapped her arms around her; "What are you doing home?!" She asked not letting go. She had been so worried all night, worried that she would lose the girl she loved more than anything before even having the chance to tell her how she truly felt about her.

Marissa pushed Alex off of her gently, when she saw the look she was given she smiled at the blonde, letting her know everything was okay; "It's a long story, and trust me, I'll explain EVERYTHING later, but for now..." Alex gave her an even more confused look as she re-positioned herself and took Alex's hands in her own and looked deep in the crazy clear blue-green eyes before her. "Right now, I really just want to tell you that I am sorry for acting like the spoiled brat I was raised to be. You let me move in with you and all I did was screw up; the way I have been my entire life. I ruined clothes, I wasn't helping you out with rent, I just...one thing after the other. I didn't and I still don't think I deserve you in my life. Then I realized how much more you bring out in me, you bring out the good in me I never thought I had. And I want to better myself for you Alex, then tonight, tonight I go ahead and fall into old bad habits of lies and deceit and you deserve so much better than that. When I was with Ryan in the tent, that's when everything really set in. When I knew things had to change."

Alex looked at her, she was hurt but she could see Marissa had more to say and she wanted to hear what the brunette had to say for herself. She re-positioned herself as well. She felt Marissa's hands let go of her own but then saw and within seconds felt Marissa's hands rest on her cheeks.

Marissa searched the blonde's eyes once again, waiting for them to connect again, as they did, she slid her hands from the blonde's face, onto her shoulders and down the length of her arms, taking hold, once again, of Alex's hands. "You know, I realized tonight just how important you are to me. From the moment we met, I knew I had to get to know you. From the first time we hung out, I knew I wanted to keep doing so...and eventually, in a more than friend's way. I was so scared of what I feeling, it was all too new, it was foreign, it was 'wrong' for me to like a girl in that way, but at the same time, it felt so right. Then one day I decided to take the plunge, you'd asked me what I was doing with you earlier on that day, and I just walked away after making a lame joke. That's the day I realized I wanted to do this, so I came back during the show; and as I came up to you and took hold of your hand, I remember thinking; "_I never want to ever lose grip."_ And then, then you flashed me the most amazing smile, and I knew everything would be okay from then on. Because truth be told, when I was with you, I was a different person, I was the person I had always fantasized about being, but I never thought I could actually reach that. You changed that, you made me become the person I had always wanted to be. And no one had ever made me feel like that, no one had ever made me feel worth it." She took a deep breath and saw Alex's eyes, they were starting to shimmer with unshed tears.

"Valentine's day was next," she continued, "and when you broke your own rule, and we were by the beach, I remember never wanting that moment to end. Then, we kissed," she blushed slightly and Alex couldn't help but smile at her, they shared a knowing look and then Marissa kept on, "and I remember thinking I never wanted THAT moment to end." They laughed a little, "I always wanted to be able to kiss those lips," she let go of one hand and caressed Alex's cheek once again. "I was afraid to tell Summer about us, but you made me feel safe, and confident about telling her. Besides, I wanted to tell her so you could be proud of me, yea, I know that was a selfish little moment, but at the same time, I really couldn't help myself. When you gave me that look, after I told you I had told her, I knew I'd done the right thing. On top of things, Sum took it amazingly well, so I was proud of myself as well. This, was something else you brought out in me, self-confidence. I had never really been proud of who I was before I met you; I had never been proud of the decisions I made, but with you, it was this whole new feeling. You and I, had become a we, and it had never felt more amazing." She looked at Alex then looked down, she didn't want to bring this part up, but she had to, she looked back up and saw Alex's slightly confused look, she smiled at her telling her she was okay; "so then tonight came alone, and as I lay next to the boy everyone thought I was supposed to be with, nothing felt right. That was the moment I realized something more important than everything I just said, for all of those individual things, only amounted to one. That was the moment I realized I loved you, and I couldn't wait to be in your arms again, to tell you just that. I love you Alex Kelly. I am IN love with you, I am more in love than I have ever felt before, and I think that's because I now realize I was never in love until I met you. Because being away from you tonight, I could hardly bare the thought of being away from you. Especially considering how we had left things in the morning. I couldn't sleep alone, without you holding me, it wasn't right, it wasn't safe. I have never felt the need to be close to someone as much as I feel for you. I honestly want us to work Alex, and I know that I have left room for you to doubt me, what with the stupid behaviour and all, but I want you to know that I am one hundred percent sure now. Not that I ever doubted, I just, I'd never realized how profoundly you'd stolen my heart." She looked at Alex, both girls now had tears running down their cheeks.

Alex couldn't believe what she had just heard. She looked deep in Marissa's eyes, and she saw Marissa had let every single guard she had, down. She could see her entirely, and her eyes left no room for doubt. She could also see they had a new glow, she could see everything she meant to Marissa. Marissa was letting her enter her soul.

She leaned down and captured the brunette's lips. She knew she felt the same, but she was never one for words. She knew she wouldn't be able to express verbally what she felt, therefore, she relied on the one means she had. She let her lips speak for her, figuratively.

It seemed to have worked, for when they broke apart, Marissa had a smile plastered to her face, and Alex was sure she was wearing the same one. Marissa's smile turned into a smirk as she got up and extended her hand, Alex gladly took it and followed her into the bedroom.

Marissa pushed her slightly towards the bed and before she had a chance to turn around and look at her lover, she heard the click of the door, indicating it had been closed.

Alex's face now bore a smirk of her own, she knew how the night would follow, and she definitely liked the idea.

She felt Marissa's hands on her shoulders and automatically let her hands fall to the teller girl's waist as she turned to face her. She was being pushed towards the bed but before the night entailed, there was one more thing she needed to do; she leaned in close to Marissa, lips barely touching, "I love you too Marissa Cooper."

Both girls smiled, Alex soon felt the mattress beneath her and both hers and Marissa's smirks returned.


End file.
